In part one of a new series, Nathan wonders what if – but did he actually get lucky?
We all have them – those illicit thoughts. Those memories of when we could have strayed from the path, done something risky or lived life on the wild side.
This is all starting to sound like one of those Sunday broadsheet magazine confessionals that seemingly exist to clutter up social media feeds with tales of what some self-important society person got up to on a yacht with someone she’d just met. And that’s probably the tamest of it. No, I’m talking about cars, obviously.
There are the tempting heaps, the expensive exotic that cost the same to buy as the family loadlugger but the same amount to run, or the rare opportunity that slipped through your fingers. At night you’ll think about what if, the road not taken…
Or would it have been more a case of the low-loader not taken and the divorce lawyer left uncontacted? In the first of an occasional series, I’ll be talking about my near-misses, in the hope that we can all share our ‘what if’ moments and maybe hear from those brave souls who did take the plunge. I’ll go first…
BMW M535i (E28)
More than 15 years ago I found myself not only without a classic, but without a car. An unfortunate incident involving a roundabout, a barrier and a ditch had left my C123 Mercedes-Benz distinctly not-Sindelfingen specification, so I set about buying something similarly German, but with just a bit more excitement that didn’t involve old tyres and newly introduced bodies of water on the A47.
I’d always liked the shape of the E28 and the straight-six M535i was certainly rather more exciting than the four-pot C123 I’d just clambered out of. Its 3.4-litre straight-six made 218bhp, good enough for 143mph, while its M-Technic addenda gave it just enough menace to separate it from a regular 5 Series.
I found one in Walthamstow, and from the picture online it looked the part. It was white with Motorsport stripes and came with the full bodykit. It’s not for everyone, but then neither are overly friendly yacht cruises and enough people do that. However, as I pulled into the compound, surrounded by some rather intense-looking gentlemen in bomber jackets and with frowns more furrowed than the Mariana Trench, I realised that the M535i was not a bit of all right. Actually, scratch that: not a bit of all-white.
Those ’80s bodykits can hide a multitude of sins, but even they weren’t enough for the tinworm on this car; no, it was escaping up the doors, leaving trails of unlovely brown in its wake. I could see it was a teabag without getting out of the car.
Still, I’d made it all this way, so I entertained the chap’s patter that it was mint. As he saw my eyes drifting towards the rust patches, however, he became a bit more aggressive and turned his attention to showing me his slammed, very loud, very speakered-up grey BMW M535i. It was so low that when I got in I found I had to crawl out on my hands and knees.
Needless to say, I passed on the white car, after discovering that its sills and rear arches were largely made of Bluetooth and that there was no paperwork with it.
Why I still think of it
I still think of that car because, under the lights of the kebab shop and with the sub-bass pumping, it just looked right. Again, not for everyone, but it was so cool my glasses freeze up at the thought.
There’s something about an E28 in full M535i warpaint that manages to be both slightly naff and completely magnificent. The spoilers, stripes and deep front valance ought to be too much. Somehow they aren’t.
Then there was the cost of entry: £2500. Our own Hagerty Price Guide now puts even a fair 1986 BMW M535i at £13,000, with a concours example at £31,000. Current asking prices for manuals are around the £30,000 mark. Suddenly that rusty white thing starts to look less like a terrible decision and more like a winning lottery ticket I threw in the bin.
Sure, it would have required work. But was this an opportunity missed?
Reality corner
Here’s where nostalgia runs into a man holding a welding torch.
The E28 is fundamentally tough, and the big M30 straight-six takes mileage well if looked after, but corrosion is the killer. Sills, jacking points, front wings, rear arches and, more seriously, the double-skinned rear axle mounting areas can all rot. Add the BMW M535i’s plastic extensions and spoilers, which can conceal what’s happening underneath, and an apparently scruffy-but-saveable car can become a bodyshop’s pension plan surprisingly quickly.
Mechanically, you’d want to listen for top-end wear because the M30’s camshaft relies on an oil spray bar doing its job. Old suspension bushes and steering components can make an E28 feel far less precise than BMW intended, while tired gearboxes and differentials are hardly unknown after four decades of enthusiastic use. Model-specific M-Technic body pieces and interior trim can also be awkward and expensive to replace.
None of this is necessarily terminal, but fixing structure properly is where the economics can go bad very quickly. So that £2500 car wasn’t really a £2500 car. With structural rust, no history and obvious neglect, it could easily have swallowed several times its purchase price before becoming something you’d actually want to own. And that’s before the stereo was removed.
Summing up
So, did I make the right decision to run away, or have I done myself out of owning a true BMW hero saloon on the cheap?
Perhaps that’s the point of the cars we nearly bought. In our heads, they never need welding or present an invoice capable of changing the atmosphere in a marriage. They remain cheap, cool and full of possibility.
Let me know in the comments if I escaped disaster or bottled one of the great bargains of my motoring life. Better still, if you bought a cheap BMW M535i back when nobody wanted them, tell me what actually happened.
At least I’ll have more money for yacht parties, I guess.
Did you buy a cheap E28 M535i when nobody wanted them or do you have your own near-miss classic that still haunts you? Share your what-if moment in the comments below – we’d love to hear them.
Protect your classic
If you’re looking for cover for your pride and joy, why not consider Hagerty UK? Not only are we classic car insurance specialists, but we are enthusiasts at heart. Call us for a quote on 0333 323 1138.
